Verity Lina Mae

A new stage of our adventure begins as we await the coming of our first little girl in December! 

So many emotions arise with the expectation of a new human in this world and for us with Verity, this is no exception. Our last year since losing so many of my family members in August 2019 has been devastating and the world was emptied of so much good. In the midst of our personal world stopping so abruptly (and then the whole world literally stopping for such a long season) we came to appreciate that new life is possible. That we could, in at least this way, create something joyful to love. A reason to see the future with an anticipation of life and not just a dread of the next disaster. That maybe, though it seems so unimaginable, maybe some of our best days are yet to come. That somehow, our lives would continue. The hope of more babies in our family felt like one piece of the future that hadn’t been hijacked from us in the accident. 

Confirming our pregnancy brought a new joy to life, and a retrospective sadness as well. We look forward to her future, we long to meet her and teach her and watch her grow and love her through all life’s ups and downs. And yet, we mourn, knowing that there are those gone too soon before her that would’ve loved to do the same and will have no such chance. In that same future in which we feel so much hope for our new little one, we also recognize the absence of all the love stolen from her, the love she’ll never know. 

She will hear of them in the stories we tell, she will mourn them in the adventures they shared with us, she will, in her own second-generation way, feel the loss of them even in me as she learns to identify what sadness looks like and how long it holds on to us. And since we cannot spare her that, we pray that we can teach her where to take these pains of the world that she will be born to carry and all the new ones she may collect along the way. 

Though all her experience of them will be secondhand, we pray that she represents them at their best. 

Her first name, Verity, was chosen years before but became more relevant and meaningful now. Simply, it means truth. This concept represents both our families in how they have oriented their lives in devotion and search for the one Truth, the Giver of all truth. We pray that Verity also finds and follows this devotion.

In a special way, each of my family lost in August animated truth. 

My dad stood strong as an example of how truth is steady, unwavering, unflinching, unaltered by trial or storm. He was truth as an anchor but also as an undaunted beacon, one that would have so gladly led thousands to it while sparing them from the dangers of deceit in this world. 

My mom recognized that truth is universal and yet incredibly specific. That each person is unique in how much truth we understand and have experienced. And of course that we all have more to learn and we can learn some of that from each other. Mom deeply understood that some truths were too difficult to bear alone and must be shared, though she found herself gladly bearing others’ far more often than sharing her own. 

Kent revealed truth as all things beautiful, knowing that if real beauty is to be found, it must be a reflection of its Maker. He exemplified that a life lived in truth can be full of joy, smiles, and laughter. 

Landyn, well… She was the whole truth and nothing but the truth 🙂 In pure, innocent truth, there is no disgrace. No deceit could be found in her and thus she felt no shame. 

As for the rest of our baby girl’s name, we choose a family name on both sides of my family (Lena, Mae and Lena May) though we changed the spelling to be a little more friendly to multi-cultural pronunciation. But the meaning of both brings out a deeper concept when brought together with truth.

Lina means sunlight and pairs perfectly with the effect truth can offer, enlightening what once was dark, life-giving, warming hearts once cold. We hope she lives this well. Another variation means tender or delicate. This meaning also brought comfort as I consider how necessary delicacy and tenderness are when presenting truths. A hard truth delicately spoken may still be sweet.

Mae refers back to the month and springtime and all the hope that comes with it. (In Michigan especially, that’s as early as hope comes…) As simple as this is, we pray that she will always be a hopeful presence to those around her like a fully blossomed spring.

Also, for whatever reason, my mom often called me Tessa Lina Mae, though that isn’t my name, I can hear it pronounced in her voice. The sound of her singing that out seems connected now to this little girl and somehow, that makes it feel like she knew something of this beloved granddaughter. This is the third of her grandchildren that she will never have the chance to hold in life; the second she knew nothing of. But when I recall the sound of this name from her voice, it’s easier for me to imagine her joy for this new life.

The drawing represents our two little gifts that we’ll have this Christmas, Louis and Verity, but it’s set at the hearth of my parents’ house. Many of you carry moments that rest in your heart from this same scene. That home leaves our family soon and we’ll hold only the memories and the blank space of what should have been. It’s heartbreaking that Verity will never feel the warmth from that fireplace as she hears the crinkling of wrapping paper on a Christmas morning. The hymns and Luke 2 readings that lingered in the air over the crackling flames in that golden room will be only a story for her. But, it will be a well-loved story that I hope will touch her heart. At the same time, I hope our own little family will find our version of this happy place and carry on some of the same traditions, always remembering that our future is based on another Christmas babe.

Verity Lina Mae, may God grant you his tender, illuminating truth to live in all your days that you may always be filled with warmth and leave others full of light and hope. You are loved.